Marriage Counsellor, BISI ADEWALE RevealsIn the last few days, the social media has been awash with the story
of troubled marriage of Tiwa Savage and Tee Billz. As a counsellor,it
is never my joy seeing any marriage crash no mater who is
involved,this prompted me to write this piece may be it will help
somebody out there;celebrity and non celebrity alike.
All over the world ,Celebrity marriages are known to be more plaque
than other marriages,though other people do have problem in their
marriage but it hardly make the headlines.
When a celebrity marriage clocks two years ,it is always a big hit
because a lot of things are against their marriage.It is even more
difficult if both of them are celebrity.
Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett lasted for only 21 Months
Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd: 218 Days
Elizabeth Taylor and Conrad “Nicky” Hilton: 205 Days
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphrey can teach us a few things as well.
Their marriage lasted 72 days
Britney Spears and Jason Alexander: 55 Hours
In 2004, the pop star tied the knot with her childhood friend
Alexander after partying in Las Vegas. Despite the fact that the
marriage immediately made headlines all over the world, it lasted a
mere 55 hours before it was promptly annulled.
As it is happening in Hollywood, Nigerian Celebrities have imported it
into their marriages too,we have so many Divorced or separated
Celebrities in Nigeria,there is one whose marriage lasted only Few
days.
Lets check the problem with celebrity marriages to know why marriage
is always difficult for many of them to maintain.
FAME:
Fame is dangerous to relationships for a couple of reasons. Most
troubling is that it demands swaths of time away from each other,can
easily spring up pride,independent and solo spirit. A whole lots of
famous people are proud,cocky and pompous because their faces are
known every where and their names are mentioned in the media daily.
WRONG FOUNDATION
Most celebrity based their marriages on wrong foundation.
Many were induced by ROMANTIC LOVE and not an AUTHENTIC LOVE. While
Authentic love is based on Service and Sacrifice,romantic love is
based on Emotion,sex,passion and infatuation.
Letting infatuation and chemistry drive the relationship is one common
flaw of these celebrity couples. Endorphins and the hormone oxytocin
are powerful forces when sexual chemistry is strong. This intense
feeling convince the couple that the relationship must be the right
one. You will hear them saying “I’ve never felt like this before!” “I
am crazily in love Mehn””I must have this woman right now!”
After wedding emotion do dry up,reality do set in,too soon after the
honey moon they often realize that marriage is more than Sex,kissing
and fantasies
ENTERTAINMENT ROUTE INTO MARRIAGE:
most do base their marriage on romance, kissing,f ondling, necking,
partying, clubbing and dancing. etc, no time to check character and
attitude. These are very bad foundations for any marriage that must
last.
EGO:
Most of them are full of ego and pride.They believe life is at their
feet,they are so carried away with their status that they destroy what
matters,they do forget that Sunshine will not last beyond 7pm,darkness
will soon set in.
CELEBRITY MENTALITY:
Celebrity mentality in marriage can destroy any home. Home can only be
sustained when a man or woman comes home as a husband or wife,as a
father or mother not as a famous songsters,famous actor or actress
ready to be worshiped and adored in his or her bedroom.
This is one major problem with celebrities,mostcan not differentiate
between make-believe and real life.
MAKE UP IS REMOVED:
Most celebrities married the make-up,not the real man or woman. After
the wedding ,the veil will be removed and the truth will be known then
things will begin to fall apart as the center can not hold
DRUG AND ALCOHOL:
Drug and alcohol do contribute to the destruction of celebrity
marriages. Whosoever is given to drug and alcohol will not be a
fantastic spouse of anybody and alcohol is known to flow freely among
celebrity
INFIDELITY:
This is very common among Celebrities may be more than any other
professionals.People that marry celebrity hardly trust them,society
see them as symbol of sex.
MONEY:
Money is known to be a problem in most marriages,celebrity marriage is
not an exception. Most of them make much money and blow it so quickly
on luxuries. I read about one Nigerian celebrity who said non of his
shoes is less down 150,00 naira and that he does not wear one shoes
twice so that his fans won’t think he is broke. Another bought a bag
almost a million Naira. This kind of life may be difficult to sustain
in marriage,hence problems begin to set in.
MAKING MARRIAGE PUBLIC:
Most celebrity do forget that marriage is a private affair,when they
have a little misunderstanding with their spouse, they rush to the
social media to make it public, they’ve forgotten that the reading
public have their own problems too but they are not saying it out. As
soon as marital problem is made public ;settlement becomes more
difficult.
FAILURE TO FIGHT FOR THEIR MARRIAGES:
Some years back I wrote a book Titled FIGHT FOR THAT MARRIAGE,when I
was writing that book I discovered that one of the problem of people
is that they do fail to fight for their marriage,instead of that they
do everything to fight their marriages,this is much more common among
so called celebrity.
MARRIED BUT SINGLE:
A whole lot of celebrities are married but are still single in their
attitude,actions,lifestyle and way of living. You hardly hear a
celebrity using the word “WE” they use “ME” “I” “MINE” and
“MYSELF”,result is they live selfish and self entered life, destroying
the union called marriage.
divorce cake
NO TIME TOGETHER TO COUPLE
It should come at no surprise that consistent time is necessary to
sustain a happy marriage,but celebrity couples hardly create time to
be at home,they move from one film location to another from one shows
to another,from one club to another creating little or no time for
their spouses. They begin to drift from their spouses,leading to a
huge gap that money and fame can not fill.
RUMOR:
A times I do think some bloggers are just out to destroy celebrity
marriages,they carry unsubstantiated rumors about cracks in one
marriage or the other, these go all out to affect marriages of
celebrities negatively because it help to break trust and destroy love
in their marriages
WRONG FRIENDS:
All manners of people do surround celebrity couples and most of the
time they are the wrong ones.They hail them as they go into
infidelity,they encourage them to fight their spouses,they smuggle- in
girlfriends for them and cover them up,this is another reason why
celebrity marriages don’t work.
TIME WITH OPPOSITE SEX:
Unlike in most other professions, actors actresses,Musician are known
to spend time with the opposite sex in music studios, rehearsals,
locations,showsetc.n the absence of their spouses,this do open rooms
for temptation and breaks trust.
LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE:
The way some celebrities behave you will know that they lack knowledge
of what family life is all about. Many hardly know the differences
between Dating and marriage and they hardly bother to learn. They read
so many books about love,romance and dating but non on
marriage,parenting and family life.
FAILURE TO PREPARE FOR MARRIAGE:
Celebrities are known to spend a lot of time and money to plan a
romantic proposal,buys expensive diamond engagement rings,spend much
more on fairy tale royal wedding,blow millions on Honey moon,but spend
nothing to prepare for Marriage. Simple wifehood or husbandhood roles,
they do not know and Marriage Success does not come by instinct,if you
do not know them you are simply out of order and they will come back
to haunt you
THINKING GOD DOES NOT MATTER IN MARRIAGE:
Marriage is not Just a social relationship,it is also a spiritual one.
From choice making God must be involve,when there is trouble He is the
first to be call upon not Instagram or Facebook or granting interview
to the next available blogger. When you remove God from the
calculation of your life and family it will come back to haunt you no
matter whom you are.
THINKING MARRIAGE IS A SUPER MARKET WHERE YOU CAN WALK IN AND WALK OUT ANY TIME:
A lots of celebrities change spouses like diapers because they believe
there is nothing wrong with it. Apart from the fact that it is not the
will of God,broken marriage hurts,it hurt deeply. In fact ,a recent
study shows that the effect of a dead spouse will have on the
surviving partner is lower than effect divorce will have on divorce
couples. It is totally wrong to go into marriage with divorce in
mind,it is like writing an exam with failure in focus.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of
Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage
and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com,
08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com,
facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale
by BISI ADEWALE
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